fall in and out of love (private, aspenshade)

Owlpelt had been in his own world of sadness and had not noticed Aspenshade approach him. The brown tabby was half-asleep though still with his mind on Lottie and it wasn't until the she-cat had finished speaking when it came to him that she had been talking to him.

The tom-cat raised his head and he looked up at the female for a few moments, his eyes staring into hers and then eventually he replied. "Oh, hi Aspenshade," he greeted hoarsely. "I'm just... I can't be in camp. I did something terrible when I was younger and I'm waiting for the day I get exiled because of it."

Then he realised what he had done. If Aspenshade found out she might go and tell his clanmates and he didn't want that. Yet the day was going to arrive soon anyway, he was sure of it. This would just bring it earlier than he had expected.

ooc: I'm on mobile so this isn't very good, sorry!

Owlpelt didn't say anything and just watched as the younger female sat down in front of him, his eyes continuing to stare on him blankly. He wondered what she was doing out as well. Why she was out here bothering him when he wanted to be alone. Then again, he supposed he did sort of like the company she was providing him with. Perhaps it would be good to talk. Maybe it would help, if someone out of his family knew what he had done, what he would always regret doing. After a while he used one of his paws to push himself up into a straighter sitting position and he let out a sigh.

"It's not bad, Aspenshade," he told her quietly. "It's awful and I broke the warrior code doing it. Nothing is worse than that, I don't think. I should be exiled straight away and told never to return. I... I fell in love with a rogue," the tom said, his voice lowering into a whisper.

"I don't know how it happened but we met and she treated me kindly. She was beautiful and we kept on bumping each other. Soon it became regular thing that we did every chance we got. We would sit talking about how we loved each other and how we were going to raise the perfect family. It seemed like I'd finally found 'the one'. My brother had already found his mate Tigerstripe and all of my friends were falling in love. I had wanted to as well and when I met Lottie, I thought I had as well."

He moved his gaze down onto his paws. "What we had... it didn't last long before I remembered where my loyalties lay. It continued for three moons before I eventually called it off with her and told her we couldn't possibly be together with her as a rogue and me as a clancat. I tried to ask her to join ShadowClan but she wouldn't and I knew I couldn't possibly become a rogue like she was. My family lived here and I spent my whole life in the clan. Even if I was in love, I couldn't just throw all I had away. Not for her. Not for anybody."

The tom stopped talking and sat there in silence for a couple of moments, his eyes closed as he remembered the cream-coloured feline. She had had a soft voice and her eyes had been the most wonderful green colour. He could have stared into them for moons and he wouldn't have once fallen out of his trance.

"The thing is Aspenshade, I'm not sure if it even was love. It could have just been something that wouldn't have lasted anyway, it could have lasted for the rest of our lives, I don't know and I never will do now." The tom sighed. "It was ages ago when I was eighteen moons up until I was twenty-one moons and so I shouldn't really think about it. But I can't help but do, y'know? Something like that isn't something you just forget easily. You don't fall out of love in a second. I called it off, it was me who ended it but at the time, I didn't want to. I knew I had to though and that's why I did it. I probably would have done it anyway." He took another deep breath before he asked her questions.

"So what do you think, Aspenshade? Do you think it's something I should be exiled for? Please, be honest. I don't want you to sweeten the situation up. You can tell Rosestar, I don't care, she needs to know anyway. She needs to know that the loyal Owlpelt isn't as good a warrior as she may or may not have thought."