the sky opened up & swallowed them whole [open]

Firewhisker was inhaling to let out another soft sigh when Dawnblaze spoke. The ginger tabby jumped, springing to all four paws and fluffing his tail out instinctually as his heart took off like a rabbit. A squeak—very unwarrior-like in every way—leaked out of the young warrior’s throat. His eyes widened and he stared at Dawnblaze as though she’d leaped out of the den with an extra head on her shoulders. A heartbeat later he was cringing, shrinking back into himself and wrapping his tail so tightly around his paws that it was clear he was attempting to make himself look smaller.

You didn’t even notice her did you? Some warrior, good going—letting her sneak up on you like that. Idiot. You expect to be useful to ShadowClan when you can’t even tell if a cat’s come up next to you? When you act like you’re scared of your own Clan-mates? Freak.

For a moment Firewhisker only blinked stupidly at Dawnblaze. Humiliation flooded through him, he tried to think of something to say, “O-oh, hey… heyyyy Dawnblaze.” Wait—what had she been saying? She was saying something. Firewhisker’s mind backtracked, panic making him want to shrink even further into himself.

Oh superb, you’re really on top of things aren’t you Firewhisker?

“I—oh! I’m… o-okay. Haha, I’m fine. I mean, oh… well there’s… I just…” Firewhisker flattened his ears against his skull. He was certain Dawnblaze thought he was a moron. He wanted very badly to somehow sink into the ground underpaw and vanish from sight entirely. Good bye ShadowClan, good bye forest, good bye every cat who had ever had the misfortune of interacting with him for just a few minutes.

He began to scuff his paws nervously against the ground and dropped his eyes away. He didn’t know what to say. The answer was that no, he wasn’t okay. But then he rarely ever felt he was—and he couldn’t keep taking Sparrowpelt’s thyme! It was such a waste to be using the herbs on him when better, stronger, more useful cats could be using herbs instead.

“N-no worries! I’m good!”

Liar.

“How… um, how are you? You-you look a little um… smooshed?” Firewhisker sank lower again. His muscles were starting to ache with effort since he was tensed up in an attempt to make himself smaller. Still, the tom offered a friendly—if somewhat strained—smile at the she-cat. At least she’d been nice enough to show some concern, right?

It was no small flare of relief that sparked deep in Firewhisker’s gut at Dawnblaze’s faint grin. Firewhisker flicked his amber gaze to the warrior’s den, imagining Frostfire trying to use the small she-cat as a bed. A soft purr rose out of his throat before he could stop himself, the idea of Frostfire and Dawnblaze’s closeness felt warm in his chest, even if it stirred the smallest bit of envy. Not for either cat in particular, sometimes Firewhisker thought things might be better if he had a tom to curl up next to. Though, he had to admit that he might not appreciate being crushed every morning either.

He loves you very much Dawnblaze, Firewhisker wanted to say, but he kept it to himself. The words were redundant and—he thought—just a little bit weird coming from a cat that wasn’t actually involved in the romance.

Not that you’ll ever deserve a mate.

It wasn’t a conscious thought so much unbidden words that seemed to rise out of some darker place in him. He winced just as sharply as if a cat had whispered them in his own ear, jumping uncomfortably when Dawnblaze continued her words on the tail-end of the cutting phrase that only he could here. He loathed obtrusive thoughts. Everything could be fine in a scenario—sometimes he even reacted to them with a certain air of sarcastic exhaustion. After all, he heard them all the time now. They just cropped up, constant reminders he wasn’t as good, couldn’t be as good…

Say something, stupid.

“I-I-I… yeah sure,” Firewhisker worked his paws nervously, uncoiling from his position to awkward gangly heights. With that he bolted past her, hating himself for the way he skittered by as if half-afraid his Clan-mate would nip at his tailtip. Dawnblaze didn’t deserve that, especially after having been kind to him.

Flattening his ears against his head, Firewhisker stumbled to a halt next to the freshkill pile and took in a breath that felt as though it immediately wanted to be crushed out of his lungs. He exhaled slowly once more, before stooping to take a sorry looking frog from the pile—better, more useful warriors deserved better food.

The tabby made himself comfortable under a tree a moment later, and awkwardly cast a look at his paws. “Thank you, for putting up with me. I’m sorry I’m such—aah… such a mess.” Humiliation flooded through him, why couldn’t he just calm down? He was urged to so frequently sometimes.